My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
