He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
