I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
