I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
