You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
