This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
