Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
