So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
