margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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