my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
