How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
