So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
