Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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