I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
