Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
