I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
