you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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