i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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