Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
