That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
