I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
