my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
