Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
