shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
