People in love make me want to vomit
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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