And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
