Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
