Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
