So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
