we made out on top of his cat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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