She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
