i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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