THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
