was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
