So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
