Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
