She is in my trunk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
