Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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