hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
