i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its not stalking. its research.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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