I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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