we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
