Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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