I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
