Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
