i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need to calm my uterus...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
