Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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