Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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