All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
