You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
